Wednesday, February 20, 2013


I wish I could think of some kind of new way to say Thank You.   It is an amazing "problem" to have....  :)  We have been nothing short of overwhelmed by the outpouring of love and support that we have received since we found out that Josiah had Trisomy 18.  I have been so touched by the messages, comments on this blog, cards, emails and every kindness that has been shown to us over the past several months.   We are incredibly grateful for the meals and gift cards  that are being provided for our family.  It is just wonderful to not have to think about getting dinner put together every night.  And there are so many other ways we are shown how much we are cared for.   Gifts of time, of money to help with expenses, provisions for Josiah's memorial service and really is overwhelming to think about.  And we can't say thank you enough!    To sit back and really know that we have had SO many people praying for us has been one of the biggest blessings in this trial.

We have been so incredibly uplifted by so many other things over the past couple of weeks as well...  and on March 2nd there is another amazing day in the works for our family.  My two dearest and best friends, who have been absolutely incredible supports for me through both the loss of Owen and now Josiah, are putting together a Benefit Dinner on our behalf.  Again....  we are overwhelmed.  Even watching them put this evening together has been well.... overwhelming.  Addison's preschool teachers, our families, our church family, friends and people we don't even know (what a blessing!)  have been just incredible in putting the dinner and silent auction baskets to make this day so amazing for our family.  What can I say but thank you???
Here is the link to the Dinner for anyone who might be able to attend:

I was scrolling through facebook the other day and a friend of mine from college had posted a link to a blog.  The title of the post caught my eye.  It was called "Mom Body".  Well...I certainly know what that is like, so I clicked on it to read the post.  I didn't look to see who's blog it was or anything like that I just started reading it.  The first thing that made me catch my breath was that the author said she only got to be a mom to her son, Owen for 3 weeks....   Suddenly I felt like there was a whole lot more to this woman that I was going to be relating to.   I read a little farther.  She was talking about Super Bowl Sunday and how she wasn't paying much attention to the game or the commercials because she was watching something unfold thru facebook.  She was praying for a birth that was taking place...and praying that the family would get to spend some time with their baby.

I almost dropped my phone.... She was talking about ME.  She was praying for Josiah and our family.

I don't think I realized until that moment the impact that Josiah's life is was having and is continuing to have.  It is overwhelming.

After I composed myself I realized that I did know Owen's Mommy, although not personally, but I absolutely remember when her son joined our Owen in Heaven....  We prayed for her and her husband as they had to go thru the heartache of losing their son.  I still pray for them and her blog reminds me that we are not the only ones who have walked this road.  I just wish I could fast forward into the future and see how the Lord is working in all this.  I know He is...  I just don't know how.  But, I am seeing glimpses.  This was a glimpse.

Answered prayers are glimpses too... I have had some time to just sit and think about Josiah and his big life and I am starting to come out of the fog a little bit.  There were BIG answers to prayer on February 3rd.that I talked about in my last post.  But now, I'm starting to think about other ways in which the Lord worked everything out on Josiah's birthday.  Just one quick one I wanted to share with you had to do with our family being healthy for his delivery.  Braden, Addison and Owen were all summer babies....I have never had a winter baby before.  I never had to worry about us being sick around my due date!   And this winter has been terrible...the flu, strep, crazy fevers... all sorts of nastiness going around.   About 2 weeks before I was to be induced I tried to quarantine our house as much as possible... I was so scared that my kids might get the flu and wouldn't be allowed up on the maternity ward when Josiah was born.  I didn't know if we were going to be able to bring him home or not and I was terrified that they might not be able to meet him.  I just wanted us to all be able to be with him for however long we had him.   Sure enough, the Thursday before I was to be induced Addison woke up with a crazy high temperature.  It was 104.7...she was burning up.  I took her as soon as I could to the dr. where she tested negative for strep & the flu.  It was just a virus that she had to work through.  The last random virus she had lasted about a week...and was followed up by a terrible cough for another week.  Argghhhh!!   She had about 5 days to get better before I was to be induced AND Braden needed to stay healthy!  I know there were prayers going up for us....  Addison's fever broke around noon on Saturday.  Josiah decided on Sunday morning that he wasn't going to wait until Tuesday to join us and my water broke.  How is that for answered prayer??  OH......and Braden never did get any signs of that virus.

Thank you Lord for showing us that your Hand is in the details....

"Hear, O Lord, when I cry aloud;
be gracious to me and answer me!
You have said, "Seek my face."
My heart says to you,
Your face, Lord, do I seek."
Psalm 27:7-8

In Him,

Sunday, February 10, 2013

One Week

There were photographs I wanted to take
Things I wanted to show you
Sing sweet lullabies, wipe your teary eyes
Who could love you like this?

People say that I am brave but I'm not
Truth is I'm barely holding on
But there's a greater story
Written long before me
Because He loves you like this

I will carry you
While your heart beats here
Long beyond the empty cradle
Through the coming years
I will carry you
All my life
And I will praise the One who's chosen me
To carry you

Such a short time
Such a long road
All this madness
But I know
That the silence 
Has brought me to His voice

- From the song, I Will Carry You by Selah

One week ago came the day we have been waiting for......9 months of waiting.  9 months of praying, of hoping, of joy, of sorrow, of dread and anticipation, 9 months of waiting......and waiting.  Waiting is not really my strong suit, but this was a different kind of waiting.  This was different because 4 months ago we got the news that our much hoped for baby, Josiah had Trisomy 18.  Those words changed everything.  

Trisomy 18 was heartbreaking.  And strangely, Trisomy 18 made the waiting so much sweeter.  Trisomy 18 made me pay attention.  It reminded me that this little life was fearfully and wonderfully made just as he was.  It caused me to lean on God in ways that I never thought I could.  Just 18 short months ago we were burying our son, Owen and now here we were again facing that very real possibility for Josiah.  I didn't know for sure what God's plan was in all of this.  We were devastated and heartbroken.  Then slowly came hope.  And the reality that part of God's plan was already playing out.  We lost Owen at 41 weeks due to a cord accident.  There was no warning.  There was no expectation that morning as I drove to my ultrasound appointment that I would be leaving the hospital a day later with empty arms and a broken heart.   God's plan for Josiah was different.  I knew He might still call him home sooner than I wanted Him too, but I wasn't sure.  I was finding hope and realized that we were given a blessing even in Josiah's diagnosis.  We were being  told to cherish every minute we had with him because our time together might be short.  And so I paid attention.  Every kick, every wiggle, was cherished in a way that I hadn't been able to do with Owen.  Because this time we knew...

So we prayed.  We prayed for so many things.  We prayed for Josiah.  Even before the Lord gave him to us we prayed for him.  We longed to heal our broken hearts.  We missed our sweet Owen.  He was wanted and loved.  And we prayed.  The Lord heard our cries and gave us Josiah.  And what a blessing he has been to us.  Not in any ways that we would have expected or would have asked for.  And we once again find ourselves with broken hearts and empty arms.  But even in that I can see the blessing that was in that little 5lb 7oz baby boy.  He was such a sweet little guy but he had such a big big life.

I was expecting Josiah's birthday to be February 5th.  That was the day I was scheduled to be induced.  And Josiah is our 4th baby.  And I have been induced every single time.  I did pray so much that Josiah would come on his own......I didn't know what would happen when he got here and I didn't want to have to "pick the day" if things didn't go well.  I knew the Lord was in control of things though so I was at peace with the induction.  So I planned for Tuesday.  But the Lord and Josiah decided that Sunday was better.  And so the unbelieveable happened on Sunday February 3rd.  Between 9 and 9:15am my water broke.  And that was it......  we were going to meet our Josiah.  And we didn't have to wait until Tuesday.  

We were scared......and we were hopeful.  There was so much unknown.  But we were thankful.  Thankful that Josiah decided that he was coming on his own.  Prayers were answered.  

Josiah Owen Marx was born at 5:01 pm on February 3rd, 2013.  He was 5lbs 7oz. and 17.5 inches long.  And he was just perfect. 

And again.......prayers were answered.  Josiah was with us for close to an hour.  We had prayed and prayed for the gift of TIME with him.  The Lord heard our cries.  He gave us that sweet precious gift of time.  We had time to talk to him.  To tell him how much we loved him.  To snuggle with him.  Time to feel Josiah's heart beating and to hold his hands.  Time to watch him breathing.  Time to share his life with his brother and sister and time to make memories.  And at 5:59pm Josiah went from our arms to the arms of Jesus.  

How blessed are we though?  Our hearts are broken and full at the same time.  Prayers were answered. Sometimes we don't get to see until months or even years later the ways in which the Lord answers our prayers, most especially if he answers in ways we weren't looking for.  Jesus was merciful to us even through this trial....... We had Josiah.  Even if for just a short time, he was ours.  And when it was time, Josiah came on his own and we had TIME with him.  What a blessing even in the midst of a heartbreak. 

Blessed be the Lord,
for he has wondrously shown his steadfast love to me
when I was in a beseiged city,
I had said in my alarm,
"I am cut off from your sight."
But you heard the voice of my pleas for mercy
when I cried to you for help
-Psalm 31: 21-22 

Thank you doesn't seem adequate enough for all the prayers that have gone up continuously for Josiah and for us over the past several months.  But please know how truly humbled and blessed and encouraged we have been.  What an amazing God we serve.  A God who hears our prayers and brings us together to comfort one another when comfort is needed most.  So thank you......  thank you for holding us up, for taking care of our needs, for meals, for cards, for gifts of money, for flowers, for gifts of time, for giftcards and thank you so much for being there for us.  

In His Hands,

A HUGE Thank you to Christina at Grace Designs Photography for sharing in our joy and sorrow on Josiah's birthday and for capturing precious memories of our time with him.  Below is the slideshow she put together for us....